Are You Listening to Me?

This morning while pouring through my spiritual journal, I came across a verse scribbled down on a page by itself. "Proverbs 1:5" was what I had written. I knew it had something to do with obtaining wisdom, but since I wasn't exactly sure, I grabbed my King James Version of the Bible, and looked the verse up. It said: "A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel." Immediately I wanted to replace the word "hear" with "listen" like the New International Reader's Version does: "Let wise people listen and add to what they have learned. Let those who understand what is right get guidance." Then I got to thinking about the difference between listening and hearing. I know there is a difference, there has to be. 

There have been many times, my husband and I have been in a deep conversation about our family finances, about our future, or about some other matter, and I'll drift off into another world or start preparing my response, only to be brought back to reality with the comment, "You may hear me, but you are not listening." I've often heard similar phrases used by friends or close associates to describe the communication problems they have in their own relationships: "I know he hears me, but he's not listening to me." Then common sense reminded me that listening plays a major role in communicating with others; and is the key to building intimacy in any relationship. However, before effective listening can take place, we must hear what has been said. This goes beyond hearing something because we are close by; or hearing a few words and then jumping in to make our point. Hearing transforms into listening when we take the time to make a conscientious effort to pay close attention to what a person is saying (and in some cases doing). 

Can you think of anyone who is a good listener? People who actively listen to others are a store-house of knowledge. Had I listened to my family members tell me about my heritage when I was growing up, I would have a wealth of knowledge about my family today. I have also made the mistake of tuning out some information at conferences and at training sessions, thinking I would never need to apply that information. Wrong response on my part, and not very wise; a wise person listens, and expands her listening skills to discern what is really being said, facial expressions and tone of voice, etc. Are you a good listener? 

Your Call to Order… I want to encourage you to strive to be a better listener; here are some tips for building effective listening skills.

1. Recap what was said to you. When someone shares intimate information with you, repeat what they have said. This will not only show them you were listening, but it will help you remember what was said.
2. Maintain eye contact. Show that you are paying attention to the speaker by maintaining eye contact. This will help you stay focused on the speaker and the conversation.
3. Be an empathetic listener. You might not agree with what is being said, but never result to criticizing, or trivializing what a person is telling you. Keep in mind, it's not about you--a person is entitled to have their own opinions.
4. Look for opportunities to increase your listening skills. With every conversation improve on or build on the different aspects of listening (recapping what was said, noticing their tone of voice, reading their expressions, asking questions for a better understanding, etc.).

Power Verses (from the New King James Version) He who has ears to hear, let him hear! (Matthew 11:15). Therefore hear me now, my children, And do not depart from the words of my mouth. (Proverbs 5:7).